Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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