he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
a search helicopter?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
