I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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