i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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