so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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