The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
