hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
