11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
