It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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