she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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