could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
