woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know her cup size but not her name....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
