Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
