We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
