Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
