no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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