is your mom at the bar?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
