in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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