i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
