is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
