I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
soo... how was my night?
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