i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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