So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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