I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
