He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
