if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
