My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
