Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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