you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
