Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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