Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
