What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
