I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
