I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
