'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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