..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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