so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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