Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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