Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
