no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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