He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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