forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
