she looked like the before picture.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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