Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
