Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
