Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
