ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
