so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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