i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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