We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
