I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
