I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
