guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
